Earlier this week a jury found Donald Trump guilty of 34 felonies, as well as being guilty of probably still winning the Presidential election this upcoming November, sources confirmed.
“I’ve never heard of a ruling quite like this, but I can’t say I disagree with it,” said legal pundit Arthur Wallace. “While there are a lot of ways to interpret the evidence of the case, I certainly see where there was enough for a jury to convict him. And as for that other charge, the thing about winning in November? Well just take a look around. Do you think Joe Biden’s gonna beat him? He can barely talk or stand up! I think the ruling makes total sense when you analyze it.”
The court’s findings surprisingly seemed to please liberals around the nation.
“Ha! 34 convictions!” said local democrat Brett Walsh. “This is almost as embarrassing for republicans as the time that he got impeached and nothing really happened to him. I’m talking about the first time that happened, not the second. Oh man, that’s really gotta sting. We’re gonna make so many sick burns about Trump the whole time he is in office, you just watch.”
“They’re going to